Gordon
Right, gather round everybody. I want you to try my new recipe. Ostrich lasagne.

Peter
Ostrich?! As in the very tall bird?

Gordon
Yes, and a very healthy and lean meat to eat. Now, would you like to try some or is it too sophisticated for you Peter?

Peter
No - I'd love to try some. Mmm delicious. Very... ostrichy.

Mary
Tastes a bit like chicken.

Ceilia
Yes... something of an after taste... it's a bit like... mouldy cheese.

Gordon
I am sick to death of your comments Ceilia. I'm trying to create a new menu - as you asked me to.

Peter
Ooh, sorry, I feel a bit off colour.

Ceilia
Gordon, that's not a good sign. 

Mary 
Actually, I feel a bit queasy... sorry Gordon, something's not quite right.

Gordon
Is this some kind of sick joke?

Ceilia
No sick joke Gordon... errr... I need to dash.

Gordon 
Typical! I'm sick of this... I try to make them something new and they just make a fuss. It smells alright to me.

FROM THE RESTAURANT
Waiter! Waiter!

Gordon
Alright, keep your hair on, we'll be there in a minute. Look at this kitchen, now I've got to cook, clean and serve. Honestly, you wouldn't get this at The Poison Ivy.

Ceilia
Something in that made me as sick as a dog.

Gordon
Well, I'm as sick as a parrot - I've been preparing this all morning.

Peter
Parrot? Did you put parrot in instead of ostrich?

Mary
No he didn't Peter... it was certainly ostrich... look, it's a week out of date.

FROM THE RESTAURANT
Waiter! Waiter!

Vocabulary

sick to death 
very unhappy about something

off colour
feeling slightly ill

queasy
feeling that you might be sick

sick joke
nasty or unkind joke

I'm sick of this
I don't like it anymore

as sick as a dog
very ill

as sick as a parrot 
very disappointed or unhappy

Credits

Gordon Grater: Neil Frost

Ceilia Spatula: Amina Zia

Peter Peppermill: Darren Benedict

Marigold Marcelo (Mary for short): Stacha Hicks

Written, produced and directed by: Rob Carter