Ceilia
Listen everyone. I've just heard on the radio, the police are looking for a criminal who was last seen in this area. We need to keep an eye out for him.

Peter
Oh no - you don't think he might come here do you?

Gordon 
Oh yes, no doubt he'll have a three-course meal while he waits for the police to catch him.

Mary
Not if he's eating your cooking Gordon. Anyway Ceilia, what does he look like?

Ceilia
Well, the police say he's about Gordon's height, he's got a slightly reddish face and is wearing a silly hat...

Gordon
Well, don't all look at me.

Ceilia
... and he's got glasses and he also has a moustache.

Gordon
A moustache! Sounds like a proper criminal... he no doubt slits the throats of his victims... killed his mother... and doesn't pay his taxes. When I see him I'll make sure he gets his comeuppance.

Ceilia
You're all mouth and no trousers Gordon. Anyway, everyone back to work and remember we need to keep an eye out for him.

Mary
Are you a bit nervous Gordon?

Gordon
No. I've had to deal with customers that are worse than criminals.

Peter
The... the... the man... I think he's out there... table 3.

Mary
OK, stay calm. Peter, go get Ceilia. Gordon... go and see if he's out there. Come on - are you a man or a mouse?

Gordon
He might have a knife or a gun... he could be dangerous...

Mary
Come on... what are you made of? I thought you were my knight in shining armour!

Ceilia
I'll see if it's him. False alarm! It's not him!

Gordon
Right, I'm going out there. How dare we have customers in here trying to look like dangerous criminals... I was that close to handing him over to the police.

Ceilia
Don't bother. When did I say he was a dangerous criminal? The police are looking for a thief who was shoplifting. 

Mary
Hmmm, I think it's safer if you stay in the kitchen Gordon!

Ceilia
Is that wise? It's his cooking that's criminal!

Vocabulary

comeuppance
deserved punishment for doing something bad

all mouth and no trousers
talking a lot about doing something without actually doing it

a man or a mouse
be brave even if you are frightened

what are you made of?
prove how brave you are 

my knight in shining armour!
someone very brave who is going to help me

Credits

Gordon Grater: Neil Frost

Ceilia Spatula: Amina Zia

Peter Peppermill: Darren Benedict

Marigold Marcelo (Mary for short): Stacha Hicks

Written, produced and directed by: Rob Carter